This phrase was used in a New York Magazine article describing the destructive labels used by mainstream media to describe women; in this case, specifically referring to Hillary Clinton and Sarah Palin, respectively, regarding the 2008 Presidential campaign. The phrase is used again in the superb documentary, Miss Representation, which exposes and describes the challenges created for women and girls as a result of mainstream media’s focus on looks as a means to measure success and value in our culture.
The film, written, directed, and produced by Jennifer Siebel Newsom, premiered in 2011 at the Sundance Film Festival, with its broadcast premier on OWN: Oprah Winfrey Network in October 2011. I saw it for the first time last week at a screening event in San Francisco.
Here are some statistics from the film:
• Women hold only 3% of the “clout” positions in the media.
• We have been electing our leaders from about 6% of the population (i.e., white men over the age of 35 with a professional degree).
• Teenagers spend on average 10 hours and 45 minutes per day consuming media (this includes watching TV, watching movies, reading magazines, listening to music, and going online).
In the United States, the media is one of the most persuasive forces shaping our cultural norms. The message being sent is that a woman’s value lies more in the way she looks rather than in her power to lead, and the fast track to success lies in having a reality TV show and a sex tape. Since the media is such a powerful force, how can we empower girls and women to stand up to and challenge limiting labels and encourage men and boys to stand up to sexism? Here are ten ways you can positively influence the conversation:
1. Have a conversation at work. At your next women’s initiative group meeting, association get-together, or activity, set aside time to talk about gender stereotypes, double-binds, cultural mindsets and recognizing the portrayal of women in advertising. Whether talked about or not, many of these topics impact whether a woman stays or goes at a company, and that influences attrition rates which is a direct hit to the bottom line.
2. Allow women and girls to tell their stories. According to the film, only seven percent of film writers and ten percent of film directors are women. As a result, women’s stories either aren’t being told or are told from a male perspective. At work, make sure to talk about your successes openly. If you own a business that focuses on women and girls, devote some of your blog space to your clients and constituents to promote them and allow them to tell their stories.
Paula’s article, “High-Achieving Women Need More Than a Bubble Bath” has been re-posted, with a few changes, on The Huffington Post. Click here to take a look!!!
Early last year, social psychologist and Psychology Today blogger, Heidi Grant Halvorson articulated reasons why men and women judge their abilities differently. More recently, the Washington Post published an article arguing that the prevailing wisdom in schools is finally changing – that awards ceremonies and daily affirmations lead to few, if any, academic gains (Chandler, 2012). Why do these gender differences appear, and how does the way you were praised set you up for challenge later in life?
Carol Dweck’s research into what she terms “fixed” and “growth” mindsets shows that over time, girls and boys develop different views about what they can accomplish, and that difference is often rooted in the way girls and boys are praised. Girls are frequently praised for being “good” or “smart” (i.e., for their ability) and boys are often praised for “trying hard” (i.e., for their effort). Being told you “did good” on an activity doesn’t give you a blueprint for success replication, which is one reason why schools are now catching up with what the science says. In order to duplicate a success, effective praise must name the specific strategy, effort, or skill that led to the good outcome.
Smart girls with fixed mindsets become smart women who continue to associate doing well with being smart (and associate failure with being not smart).
To read more about how fixed mindsets can hold back talented women, please visit Paula’s Psychology Today blog by clicking here.
Last November, Forbes contributor Larissa Faw wrote an article detailing the rates at which Millennial women are burning out. After reading Meghan Casserly’s excellent follow up article, I explored the possibility that these women might create a much-needed economic spark. Both articles reference a recent McKinsey report showing that women account for approximately 53% of entry-level professional positions, but hold only 37% of middle-management positions, 28% of vice-president and senior-managerial roles, and 14% of seats on executive committees. I come from the legal profession, where the story is the same. Despite the fact that women account for approximately 50% of entering law school classes, the number of women who reach equity partner status in firms has held steady for the past twenty years at around 15%.
In Pursuit of Achievement
Why do so many women in their twenties and early thirties burn out? According to Liz Funk, overachieving has become the new normal for many young women. As she discusses in her book, Supergirls Speak Out: Inside the Secret Crisis of Overachieving Girls, girls pursue achievement with great ambition, often pushing themselves beyond their breaking points. Then they transfer this achievement crusade into the workplace where they seek to advance at a quick rate. By their late twenties and early thirties, these high-achievers have already spent years running at unsustainable levels.
Burnout experts and psychologists, Christina Maslach and Michael P. Leiter, have identified six sources, or themes, of burnout. They are:
Work overload
Lack of control over one’s work
To read the rest of the article, please visit Paula’s blog on Psychology Today by clicking here.
It’s an understatement to say that life these days is a bit hectic. Many adults work extended schedules and carry work pressures home with them each night, while kids are over-scheduled and buried in homework. Twenty-first century families face different challenges than families just a few decades ago, which makes building resilience even more important. Resilience is a critical life skill for kids and parents alike, and fortunately, it can be learned. Here are seven ways to build your family’s resilience:
Shut down catastrophic thinking. If you’re the parent of a teenager, you have likely observed this thinking style, but adults catastrophize too. It’s a downward spiral style of thinking that leaves you unable to take purposeful action. Your seventeen year old might break up with her boyfriend and think her world is over. As a parent, you might turn around in a store and notice your seven year old isn’t standing next to you. Both result in anxiety, even panic; but, not being able to take purposeful action to find a solution makes this style of thinking particularly worrisome. If you’re interested, please email me at paula@marieelizabethcompany.com, and I’ll be happy to send you a short worksheet with instructions on how to get a handle on this style of thinking.
Create a strengths family tree. Identifying your family’s strengths is a great self-awareness tool and a wonderful opportunity to talk to your kids about leveraging what they do well. Anyone age 10 or older may take the VIA Inventory of Strengths or its companion test for kids at www.authentichappiness.org. If you or your kids are facing a challenge, have a discussion about how you can leverage your strengths to figure out solutions.
Grab the good stuff. Thanks to the negativity bias, human beings are predisposed to notice and remember the bad stuff that happens during the day. Positive interactions abound, but you often fail to remember them. At the end of each day, ask each other to name several good things that happened during the day, and why that good thing was important. This exercise only takes a few minutes, but studies show that those who make this activity a regular habit experience increased levels of happiness and optimism (Seligman, et al., 2005).
Last week, I reconnected with two outstanding women. The first, a human resources executive I know from a law firm I worked at; and the second, a talented attorney I worked with several years ago. We caught up with each others’ lives, and I told them about my next business venture. I told them how frustrated I felt about the quality of resources available to high-achieving women looking for practical strategies for dealing with stress, burnout, and work/life issues. I explained that much of what I find either borders on therapy or is what I call “fluff.” Very few folks seem to understand or tailor advice to what high-achieving, driven women really experience on a daily basis. Without hesitating, both women said, “Exactly! People seem to think all we need is a bubble bath!”
They each discussed the guilt they feel working late hours which means less time spent with their kids. We talked about the difficult challenges women lawyers and women in different business settings face regularly. In addition, each of these women have made the tough decision that they will work while their spouses stay home with the kids, an arrangement that is not the norm for most working women.
So what makes a woman “high-achieving?” To read more, please visit http://bit.ly/rKinwV
Wake up after too little sleep, think about exercising, hit the snooze button, drag yourself out of bed, wake up the kids for school, start the coffee, take a shower, wake up the kids again, make breakfast, pack lunches, read email, quickly kiss your significant other goodbye, answer emails and deal with the first crisis of the day on your way to the office, get to the office and realize you’re not going to have the day you thought you would, answer emails from clients who want answers now, do some actual work, make a mad dash to a local restaurant and buy some lunch, rush back to your desk, eat quickly while working, spend several hours on the phone talking to clients, put out a few fires, talk to your significant other because one of your kids has become sick and has to go home, answer more email, drink more caffeine to keep going, attend post-work client development event, eat something at the event, head home, put the kids to bed to bed, relax for ten minutes, significant other wants some “alone time…” WHAT? Sound familiar?
Last year I attended a luncheon where the keynote speaker was Marie Wilson, founder and president of The White House Project, and co-creator of Take Our Daughters and Sons to Work Day. She was there to talk to us about women and leadership. Surely, I thought, this champion of women’s rights would back up the notion that work/life balance existed and regale us with her wisdom of how women can and should have it all. Instead, she leaned forward and said, “You know, work/life balance doesn’t really exist.” As much of the audience cheered, I nearly jumped out of my chair and called her out right on the spot. How could that be true, I thought?
Paula’s early August blog post called “Find Your Strong: 8 Ways to Perform at Your Best” made the Top 25 list of hot reads on Psychology Today for August.
I love the phrase “Find Your Strong.” It reminds me to keep going when I feel like quitting, to keep up with my new running routine so that I can stay in shape, and it evokes an aura of confidence and resilience that I want not only for myself, but for all of you too. That phrase has become my mission; but what does it mean to “Find Your Strong?” What are its components? This is an overview of a model I’ve developed based on my own experiences and the research I’ve reviewed, which is intended to open multiple pathways to manage stress, find some balance, and build your resilience:
1. Get out of the weeds. If you are a golfer, you know that being in the weeds means that you’ve hit the ball into an area that has likely swallowed your golf ball or will make it very difficult for you to hit your next shot. In life, I use the phrase to mean that you are so overly busy that your busyness has taken over and has lost its productivity and meaning. In order to get out the weeds, you need to create schedules and systems that become habitual. The business book E-Myth, by Michael Gerber, does a wonderful job of describing the importance of systems in the business world, and the idea is transferable to non-work situations as well. Good systems are fluid, measurable, and can and should be changed as better methods are established or as missing pieces are learned. My husband and I set up an easy system because we were at odds over who would clean up after dinner. If I cook, he cleans up and vice versa.
2. Know your sentence. This is a simple way to identify what your purpose is. Dan Pink wrote about this concept in his book Drive, and the idea originated with Clare Boothe Luce who was one of the first women to serve in Congress. She told President Kennedy that a great man could be summed up in one sentence. While you’re working on the answer to that question, each day ask, “Was I better today than yesterday?” (Pink, 2009).
3. Identify your balance busters and balance builders. Personally, I think the whole concept of work/life balance is a myth, and I wish there was a different term for it. Work/life balance is a highly personal and individualized journey. Not only do you have to work a specific set of hours at your job (which is often more than eight hours a day), but you also have your 2nd shift afterwards – home responsibilities, maybe an entrepreneurial venture that involves your passion, or working a 2nd job. According to Dr. Edy Greenblatt’s research, many people think of work/life balance on the same continuum – work as depleting, home as restoring, or vice versa. If that is your view, then the scales will never balance. Instead, her research shows the importance of placing work and non-work on one axis with restoration and depletion on another (Greenblatt, Kirk, & Lehman, 2009). The goal is to maximize the amount of time you spend doing activities that restore you during both work and non-work activities.
